Monday, August 1, 2011

washing my hands again and again

i have this habit that i wash my hands a lot whenever i am thinking about something, literally wash them, sometimes using sopa, but most of the time, i just let the water run on both hands of mine. and i will indulge myself with the cooling sensation and calming effect it sort of give me. it is just so relaxing, almost like therapy.

but washing hands isn't the issue here, instead it is what actually makes me wash my hands that is in question.

well you see, in life, i have a bunch of people that mean a lot to me. a special group of people that i consider as most important.

i have this habit of not wanting to trouble them, because well, i just don't want to give them more trouble. i am pretty sure i can figure things out somehow.

but when i do this, it seems that i am actually hurting their feelings because to them, it seems as if they don't matter to me thus i don't involve them in anything that i do, even when the truth is i just don't want to trouble them.

so i try to involve them in things that i do. up to some point i feel bad, as if i am troubling them way too much. like i am somehow suffocating them with my problems.
nut i really do need them at the moment.

so to sum things up.
whenever i feel like i am able to to things on my own, i feel bad that i make others feel like i don't need them.

but at times when i need the most, i feel bad because i feel like i am suffocating them, strangling them to death.

so what should i do?
yeah, i know you'll probably say that i am over thinking this way too much.

i know, but, i just cant stop thinking about it. it seems never ending.

and i just have to write this down, to let it out, because i don't know who else to trouble,

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